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» losing my virginity » Problems with my girlfriend.
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fridaydelay
Newbie
Posts: 4
Registered: 01-18-2006 Location:
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posted on 01-18-2006 at 12:46 |
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Problems with my girlfriend.
Okay, so. When I met my current girlfriend, she wasn't a virgin, and I was. It didn't really bother me at the time, but.. six months later, when we started getting more.. intimate... it did.
So we talked about it, but it just ended up bothering me even more. She lost it to this guy who dumped her like four months later. Then a two or three months later, on prom night, she was either drunk or drugged (I'm not sure, she doesn't really like to talk about it, obviously), and her boyfriend then had sex with her. Two or three months after that, she sort of had this fling with this guy she only knew for a couple of days. She met me a few months later, and we started going out. This was all in the space of a year.
All of the other guys that were with her were virgins too, before her. And now I'm no longer a virgin. She's.. when we're having sex, I don't.. I mean, I guess I enjoy it, sure. It feels good. But... I'm... I don't really like it. For that reason, I'm pretty sure. I don't think I'm ever going to.. really... enjoy it. She's told me that she's regretful. But I still... yeah.
It really bothers me sometimes. Despite my growing up in NYC, I feel like.. old-fashioned about it. Like it was going to be special, it was just going to be me and someone else, both of us virgins, both of us never been touched. Just us two in the entire world. But... it's not like that with her.
I get really... jealous sometimes, and angry. At her, at them. I feel like I have to break up with her sometimes. We've been together about a year and a month now. We really do... we're everything to each other. And this is the only problem we have. But it's a huge one. And I really don't know what to do. What we can do, what I can do. Even if I do break up with her, then what? I'm still not a virgin. It still won't be special, not with her, not with anyone else. It will never be.
So basically, I'm asking for... advice? Consolation? Please.
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Natrualbeauty
Junior Member
Posts: 21
Registered: 01-12-2006 Location:
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posted on 01-18-2006 at 13:10 |
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My opinion
If you break up with her you would be doing the same thing all the other guys have done to her.My friends told me once you start to have sex you can't stop.It's not really addictive you just want to experience more.I think you shouldn't break up with her because no one is perfect.She made a couple mistakes and she recognize it.You been together to long to still be trippin on that issue .I know you love her just try to discuss it alittle more.Oh was she your first???
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fridaydelay
Newbie
Posts: 4
Registered: 01-18-2006 Location:
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posted on 01-19-2006 at 12:13 |
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"If you break up with her you would be doing the same thing all the other guys have done to her."
Well, the first guy dumped her because he thought that she was "weird," and he wanted a "normal" girl. She broke up with the other two. And who's to say that doesn't deserve me breaking up with her? It's not fair, but neither is this.
"My friends told me once you start to have sex you can't stop. It's not really addictive you just want to experience more."
No offense to you, or your friends, but that's complete b.s. I don't even like sex that much right now, I doubt I'll miss it much I can't do it. There's also something called self-control, that alot of people seem to be missing nowadays.
"She made a couple mistakes and she recognize it.You been together to long to still be trippin on that issue."
I think that being together so long just makes it hurt more. Do me a favor. Think of someone you like. Someone you really like. Now, imagine someone having sex with them. Many times. Now, imagine someone else having sex with them. And then someone else. And imagine, that this is all true. Hurts, doesn't it?
"I know you love her just try to discuss it alittle more."
What else can we discuss? There are no options, there is nothing we can do.
"Oh was she your first???"
Yes.
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Natrualbeauty
Junior Member
Posts: 21
Registered: 01-12-2006 Location:
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posted on 01-19-2006 at 13:45 |
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You should have thought it through
I understand how you feel.I was just giving my opinion.I'm still a virgin myself.But if you break up her with you are still no longer a virgin and if you do find a girlfriend thats a virgin it still want be that special as you want it to be .Because you said you wanted both of you to be a virgins.You should have thought it through before you went all the way.It seem you have your mind made up on breaking up with her.But you should have thought of all these reason before you lost your virginity to her.Now your next girlfriend might feel the same way about you.Good luck on your decision 
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22yearguyvirgin
Senior Member
Posts: 104
Registered: 01-18-2006 Location:
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posted on 01-19-2006 at 19:28 |
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problems
I feel bad fo you that your first time was not what you had hoped. I hate to put it this way but it is too late to get that back. I think that your best bet would be some time appart from this woman. I'm not saying break up with her. It just sounds like you need to step back for a while and do some reflection. If you truly are in love with this woman that should be able to overcome your anger. I'm not saying it will be easy. It will likely take time for you to heal. Just keep your head up. You can find a way to get through this.
Its not really clear and im sorry if im wrong but this seems like it is a problem with you (i hate to put it that way but thats the only way I can think to say it). Does she understand why you feel angry? If not try to make it clear to her. This may help you in the long run.
I also want to add that you may want to think about talking to her and both of you becoming born again virgins. This could help you find that she truly cares about you and is willing to wait for you, even though she has mad mistakes in the past.
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fridaydelay
Newbie
Posts: 4
Registered: 01-18-2006 Location:
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posted on 01-20-2006 at 00:06 |
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To Naturalbeauty:
"You should have thought it through before you went all the way."
Well, I did. I did consider that all of this was going to happen. However, when we talked about it, she said it was going to be different. She said that.. well, basically, if we did it, things would be different afterwards, and we wouldn't have so many problems. It just didn't work out that way, I guess.
"Now your next girlfriend might feel the same way about you."
I've thought about that too. If she does, then... well, she's allowed to. I'm definitely not going to be a hypocrite or anything.
To 22:
"It just sounds like you need to step back for a while and do some reflection."
Well. Um, I don't think either of us would be too agreeable for this. Because, well. We see each other, constantly. Pretty much everyday. Not because we go to the same college, or work at the same place, or anything like that. Because we want to. I don't know how I'd feel about... not seeing her for a long time. I know she'd start cracking about in less than a week. And, I know that breaking up with someone is usually never seeing them again, but.. breaking up is different.
"Just keep your head up. You can find a way to get through this."
I don't know if I can. She's.. only my second girlfriend. I'm like her nth boyfriend. I just... yeah. I think I'm just about ready to give up on.. relationships, period. I'm really not that good with people, and... I don't even know if I could get another girlfriend. If I could find someone that I liked... to to like me back, at all.
"this seems like it is a problem with you"
I'm not sure exactly what you mean. If you mean that it's a personal problem that I have, and not her, then yes, it is a problem with me.
"Does she understand why you feel angry? "
She understands, I guess, but she can't really.. emphathize. She can't put herself in my place. She did make a suggestion, though, that would.. literally put her in my place, though... neither of us are up to it. She said that maybe I should just go and sleep with some... random girl. I can't do that.
"both of you becoming born again virgins"
What is that, exactly?
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proudvirgin
Junior Member
Posts: 13
Registered: 01-13-2006 Location:
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posted on 01-20-2006 at 11:44 |
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do you love her?
i am sorry about all of this, i can imagine how hard it would be. i would be broken in half if my boyfriend ever had his first time with someone other than me. that is something i like about us, we are both virgins.
i was just curious if you remembered why you were initially attracted to her and if it still exists in your relationship. sorry, i know you must be really sensitive right now but maybe it could help. do you still love her, anything about her? try to think of just how she makes you feel.
i am at 10 months in our relationship and he isn't pushing for sex but we discussed it and i think he is hopeful but i want to hold out longer. it is exactly your situation that concerns me. waitin is my situation is good, right? i want to only be with one and i imagine it will be him but i am only on my first year of college and dont need anything to be more complicated.
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22yearguyvirgin
Senior Member
Posts: 104
Registered: 01-18-2006 Location:
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posted on 01-20-2006 at 13:34 |
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problems continue
First of all thankyou proud virgin you seem to be able to put things more eliquintly than I can. Please don't ever leave the forum its refreshing to see clean posts for a change.
fridaydelay im sorry i guess i didnt realy get my ideas across as well as i should have.
First of all by time apart I dont necessarily mean physically apart. Just slow down on the relationship some. Try to rediscover why it was that you were with her in the first place.
It seems like some of this may come from a worry that you are not as experienced in the ways of love as her. I understand this. Todays world teaches men that they should be the leader in a relationship. This is just something you will have to overcome yourself. Im not sure what I can say to help.
If it comes down to you breaking up with her, you probably will need to take some time out for yourself. Don't give up altogether though.
It doesn't seem like this is intirely a personal problem. From the way you put it you seem afraid that she doesn't fully understand why it is you are feeling this way. I think that this may be part of the reason you feel angry at her. Try to get her to understand. It won't be easy but try to stay kalm and not turn it into an arguement. Another arguement won't get you anywhere.
Finally, what I was talking about with becoming a born again virgin. Basically it is a pledge to be celibate normally until marriage though it doesn't have to be. In your case it would be between you and her for as long as you feel it needs to be. Really its a way for you to see that she is commited to you and is willing to do what it takes for the relationship to work. It may also give you a chance to rediscover your friendship with her.
I hope this helps you. You are going to have to find exactly what it is thats bothering you and all of the causes behind it before you can work through it.
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fridaydelay
Newbie
Posts: 4
Registered: 01-18-2006 Location:
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posted on 01-24-2006 at 15:50 |
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To proudvirgin and 22yearguyvirgin
I really want to, um, thank you both.
Me and her have talked alot. We haven't really decided anything for sure yet, except that we're going to stay together. Things have been alot better the past few days.
To proudvirgin:
I'm not sure... if I'm in love with her, but I really... I really like everything about her. Except for this one problem, of course.
Well, yeah, in your case, I think you should definitely wait, and not make the same mistake I did. You should wait until you both know each other more, until you've both been together longer, and you're both one hundred percent comfortable. If you rush anything like this, it'll only cause problems.
To 22yearguyvirgin:
We're um... considering the born-again virgin-thing.
And, actually... despite her being more... "experienced" in relationships, I'm actually like... no offense to her or anything, emotionally more mature. And I'm pretty good at reading people. The fact that I've only had two girlfriends is pretty much of my own volition, not wanting to go out with any girl that would hold my hand. She's uh... as she calls it, "relationship-stupid." And, yeah.
But, yeah. Thank you both and uh... I wish you two luck in your relationships. Adios.
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